That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
