dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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