idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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