Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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