sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
