you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
