dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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