I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
