my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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