I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
