Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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