just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
