I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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