a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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