I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
