I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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