i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
