tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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