my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
