When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
