what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
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