That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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