I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
