yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
