Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
