i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
