So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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