are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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