She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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