I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
