Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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