Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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