tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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