i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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