While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
