it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
