How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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