He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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