is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you will always have a special place in my vag
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
