you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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