You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?