so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
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Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My liver is preforming stress tests.