Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you