Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
