By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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