Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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