clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
