I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
