Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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