"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
