Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
