i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
