i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
