I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
