Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've blown a few things in my day
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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