her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
