You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
