Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
