Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
