Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize