your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
