Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
