I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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