Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
