none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
