yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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