I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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