If i come over, it means nothing
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need water and some morals
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