We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
