the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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