he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That accounts for only three of the penises
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
