I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
