i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
