Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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