stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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