I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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