FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
