I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
