Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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