That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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